Mindset

When love turned to…

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It is not uncommon for me to receive a comment that classifies my posts as “honest” and “open”. Lauzieslifestyle was never supposed to reveal such personal insight. Throughout the months of writing, my thoughts have been autobiographical.

There are however, aspects of my life that I would never reveal due to not wanting to write a blog that is perhaps ‘gossipy’. My relationships have been kept at a somewhat distance. I did experience a significant heartbreak nonetheless and it has re-defined who I am.

If I could summarise, I frequently ran back to a guy who could not commit or shift his words into actions. Whilst I regarded myself as independent and strong, there I was feeling weak, insecure and disappointed. Why I ran back is another complicated story; possibly a need within me to persuade him of my worth, plus my romantic heart refusing to back down and face that fact that I was wrong.

He is astonishingly intelligent, successful, charming, humorous and can walk into a room and instantly be in the centre. These qualities stroked my low-self esteem; I query my own intellect, I wilt when meeting new people (let alone a crowd) and I faced much back-lash when I took the chance to swap my makeup-career for writing.

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Measuring his skills against mine left me wanting to try and impress him. Whenever we would be ‘off’, that was my moment to lose weight, shoot with a wonderful photographer and transform as if I was leaving my caterpillar body behind. I taught myself that by editing and modifying, I could be everything that he could desire and somehow we would have the happily ever after.

One time in particular, I took the opportunity of separation, as a valid reason to tone up. I have detailed thoroughly my struggles with health and I had plentiful excuses for getting into shape. I would be untruthful however; if I did not mention that he played a small contributing factor in my choice to work out and eat well.

As I seasoned through my transition, I never expected my mind to jump in the car for the ride. It was such a gratifying moment putting my before and after photos together, because I had not trusted my capabilities before. Once the health change kicked in, miraculously his thoughts became less and less noisy. I stopped wondering what he would say and if he preferred me more ‘curvy’.

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Self-love is harder than real love. Humans find it easier to ignore the flaws of love, whilst they pick a part their own souls. We can have brains that we train to dislike their own homes. We glance at everyone else for symptoms that we are doing ok.

Being single now, I hear three phrases. The complimentary: “How are you single?” the hopeful “I’m sure you will find someone soon” and the pitying “oh” – in a whiny, sad tone. But I hate these connotations as I enjoy my own company. If though, someone does come along and they are right for me – then great. I will not be wishing life away waiting and I will neither be moulding nor melting who I am, to help shape the plans of another.

When love turned to self-love, a recipe with the key ingredients of listening to my own voice, trusting my own voice and working on goals that only I admire formed.

Have you ever tried to change yourself for someone else? How did you find self-love or are you still discovering what it means?

For my post on my health and fitness transformation, click here.

 

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28 thoughts on “When love turned to…

  1. Beautiful pictures as usual💚
    I’m glad that something good came from the experience. That’s always what matters most, what you learned and how you apply it in the future. In your next relationship you’ll know not to keep running back, or trying to convince someone who actually isn’t worthy enough of you that you’re worthy. Being more confident, and living a healthier lifestyle is a good way to go, no matter what led you to it.✨

    Liked by 1 person

    • The relationship was not all bad so I will always take the happiness that did come from it, but there was a lot to learn and as you said, I will no longer put myself in that position again. Living a healthier lifestyle has completely changed me and I hope I will never go back to my habits before. x

      Liked by 1 person

  2. This was such a great post, I feel like I’m going through a similar thing right now so it’s weird that you wrote this – I can also relate to the weight loss thing. This gives me motivation and inspiration that I so desperately need. Thank you .xx

    Liked by 2 people

    • When I wrote this, I was not sure of who would relate as I know many of followers are in relationships. So I am super appreciate that mentioned your similarity – although at the same time I wish you didn’t. I am wondering whether I want to discuss this relationship further because of the comments that I have been receiving.
      I hope you get to a place where you are content and happy. I am still trying to look a certain way or have more definition, but I focus on the progress and however small – that helps. xx

      Liked by 1 person

  3. Thank you so much for this post. This is where I want to be. I recently went through a break up, and I want to learn how to be on my own two feet and enjoy my own company. Ultimately, to love my self and be comfortable with my self. You are goals lovely! Also, I hate those comments as if being single is a negative thing. :/

    Natalie | Natalie’s Alchemy

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you Natalie!
      I do not think being single is negative at all. I do think that dating can be annoying though because I have had some really bad dates! I wish I could jump in between single and relationship!
      I think you have to set aside time (even if it’s 10 mins) to do something that you love just for you and then set aside another moment to do something that is getting you to where you want to be. Baby steps was the answer for me and when it came to my health, even swapping 1 chocolate bar for fruit was something I applauded. I am still trying to figure out exactly who I am and what my true goals are, but I don’t tear myself down anymore.
      I hope you get to wherever you want and you find happiness within your own company. I guess blogging helps with that! x

      Like

  4. Thank you for sharing such a raw and personal post with us – I can relate to this, I used to always try and change myself and my standard of how I expect to be treated just so someone would “pick me”. But that never happened and I soon realised that you just cant satisfy some people.

    I am now in a relationship in which I actually feel respected and I can be myself 100%. It took a lot for me to realise that I wasn’t the one who needed to change – it was the one who couldn’t accept me for who I am that needed to change. Finding my now boyfriend has made me realise that I deserved so much better before, and I am finally treated the way I deserve to be treated!

    I completely believe that every thing happens for a reason, and its great that you have been able to use your experience as a lesson and you have come out so much stronger! I wish you all the best in your health and fitness, love x

    Liked by 1 person

    • It is nice to hear that you are now in a loving relationship. It is a horrible feeling to think that someone doesn’t want you. I wanted to avoid that acceptance and instead work on what I could change, as if moulding myself would make me ‘better’.
      I agree with your thoughts and I always think experiences happen for a reason – so it was important for me to learn from it.
      I wish you all the best for your relationship now and I hope we never ever go through life wanting to ever change for anybody – whether a partner or friend. x

      Liked by 1 person

  5. There was one relationship in particular where I tried to measure up to who he was. He was nothing like your guy though, because when I was inside my bubble all I saw was perfection. Outside of the bubble, all I saw was all the imperfections. I wanted to mold myself into someone who was worthy of him, when instead, he was barely worthy for me. I tried so hard to change, but in reality no matter of changing was going to make him happy. After this relationship ended, I realized how wrong I was to try to change for someone who wasn’t worth changing for. I am so happy that that love turned into self-love for myself. It’s funny how the world works, right? Everything happens for the reason, and if that relationship didn’t happen, that maybe I wouldn’t be as self-loving as I am right now xx

    Melina | http://www.ivefoundwaldo.com

    Liked by 1 person

    • I really related to this! When I was with him, everything appeared perfect. He was the most loving, attentive gentleman who had ‘old school’ manners. Away from me, I was treated like dirt.
      I wanted to be worthy of him but like you said, I realised he was barely worthy of me. I could never have made him happy, even if I had every quality that I could possibly desire.
      It is funny how the world works but how great that you can walk away from that relationship and end up more fulfilled. Thank you for this comment. Reading it was like reading my mind! xx

      Liked by 1 person

  6. What an honest and genuine post, it’s actually really apt for me right now as having come out of an abusive relationship I am feeling a lot of the emotions you have talked about. It’s not easy at all and I’m rebuilding but reading how you felt and have gotten through it has given me hope and inspiration xxxx

    Liked by 1 person

    • Your comment means a lot! I am sorry that your relationship was abusive but I also have so much admiration for you and that you have managed to get out. Mine kind of felt emotionally abusive and I was ignored a fair amount. I just thought – why am I letting one guy affect all my emotions and security?
      If you ever need to talk, I am here! I know we have never met personally. but through your writing I see amazing qualities within you and you deserve a person that treats you with nothing but respect. At the very least, we can find comfort in both moving on. xxxx

      Liked by 1 person

      • Oh you’ve just made me cry (happy, supportive tears!). Thankyou for your kind comments they mean the world to me. Rebuilding and finding confidence again can be tough and a long drawn out process but I do seek comfort knowing the other side is there! Thankyou once again you may regret offering me your shoulder hahah xxxx

        Liked by 1 person

        • Haha I will not regret it! It is super tough and I think even as bloggers, we sometimes want to show the good or be inspiring. But there is no shame in admittedly that you need to rebuild and find confidence. In fact, that is really inspiring! So many people do not get to that stage. They just keep on going, ready to make the same mistakes. You saying that as well, has certainly made me feel less alone.
          When I look back at how broken I was, not just with the relationship but with myself, I am grateful for it now. I am not completely confident, but those memories have made me stronger. It will take a moment, but what you have gone through, I truly believe will make you into an greater person and far more wiser soul. xxxx

          Like

  7. Love this post girl!! Can relate to some of this but I’m so happy for you that you’re loving and focusing on yourself! You’re such a beautiful and strong girl and you deserve so much more. You deserve friends and ‘the one’ who values you as an amazing soul and sees your worth! Last year, I had a similar thing with a guy friend in which his words didnt match his actions. It really disappointed me since he didnt care about me as much as I cared about him. Lesson learned and I’m so glad I’m single cuz now I’m really focusing my goals, priorities and learning to love myself! Great post and keep inspiring ❤ 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you so much lovely!! This comment has really made me smile! I think I am learning that with relationships and even friends, it is them with the problem. They have the issues with commitment or the emotions to be hot and cold. Normal, content people do not waste time doing that.
      I am really happy for you as well that you can now move forward and focus on your own goals. When the right person comes along, you will be more confident within yourself and can bring more to the table – mentally and even in terms of success. That is how I see it now.
      I am still working on finding a good group of friends and seeking ‘the one’, but just like you I will continue to work on me. Thank you for such a sweet and thoughtful comment. x

      Liked by 1 person

      • Yeah I agree! I was thinking maybe that it had something to do with me and but I figured that it was him with the issues and that I would rather be friends with a guy who knows my value and gives me importance as a friend! Aw thank you! So glad that my comment made you feel better! Yup, keep loving yourself and the right one and friends will come along! Hope you have a lovely week ahead girl ❤

        Liked by 1 person

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